Well it was leaked on the internet, and refusing to give money to the idiots who, as all DB fans predicted, destroyed the franchise, I checked it out online, on a site that have it streaming. Well… surprisingly I sat through it all, so here are my impressions of it. (Hint: They’re not positive)(Tip: Don’t watch it, even if your life depends on it)

Story(spoilers, but honestly who cares?)
I’ll be honest, I stopped really paying attention to the story about halfway through. But here’s the gist of it: Picollo got released from his seal SOMEHOW (they never explain it) after 2000 years when he almost destroyed the planet, aided by Oozaru (monkey-like creature… you know, what Goku, Gohan and Vegeta all become? well that’s nothing like it!). Now he’s looking for the dragon balls to destroy the world once again.

In his search for the balls he goes to Goku’s house, where his grandpa, Gohan (yes, his grandpa was named Gohan in the manga and anime), has hidden one of the balls and given it to Goku. On that particular evening Goku left with it, so Picollo couldn’t have it, so he used the force to destroy the house after injuring Gohan (who died after giving a little speech to Goku). So now Goku, after a lame scene with Bulma, joins with her and tries to find the Dragon Balls and stop Picollo’s plan. But of course that fails. Eventually, after a series of completely random events that don’t really make sense, Picollo has them all, Roshi (yeah, they met him along the way) tries sealing him again but fails and dies. Goku becomes the Oozaru because he was apparently gonna “revive” when Goku reached 18 years old and saw the eclipse (instead of the full moon). He takes control of his body again, shoots a kamehameha to kill Picollo, asks Shenron to revive Roshi and the movie ends stupidly after Goku and Chi Chi (yeah, she was there before but never did anything important… just like all the other characters) kiss and start fighting.

The story is pathetic. It makes no sense, doesn’t explain anything, and it just makes up stuff instead of actually using the source material. The reason I wasn’t paying attention anymore was because it wasn’t making sense.

Not for Dragonball fans
Well they screwed up all the characters.

Goku’s a teenager(and emo teenager at that) instead of a kid, he goes to school, he doesn’t live in the wild, he’s a fucking  jerk and his history is screwed up. Apparently he’s an Oozaru(and NOT a saiyan for some reason) who tried destroying the world 2000 years prior to the events here, but he sealed himself in a kid’s body after some time(don’t ask, I have no idea what’s going on either) and is supposed to come out at Goku’s 18th birthday. None of this makes any sense. Oh, and he can fly… a bit… Despite only being able to do it freely in when fighting Picollo in the tournament after his training with Kami.

Grandpa Gohan is still alive, which is already weird, but I was fine with that. But he was just a horrible character with no personality.

Chi Chi’s the hot girl in school, and she secretly likes fighting… Well that’s completely random… But… Where’s the fucking Ox King? Why did they just completely change her personality? Because they could, that’s why.

Roshi’s a pervert (yeah, they managed to keep that aspect of him somehow). But otherwise… he just does nothing and is nothing like his anime/manga incarnation. No turtle shell, no flying nimbus, no flying turtle, no Kame House… Blah…

Yamcha…. Well, he’s a bandit! Like in the anime/manga! Yay! But no Puar, no personality, all his comedic aspect is gone, and he seemingly can’t fight. And his actor isn’t taking this seriously at all.

Picollo is a namek. And everyone(well, Roshi, Gohan and the guy who played Winston in the Ghostbusters movies at least) seemingly knows that… Despite anime/manga Picollo not knowing that himself. They screwed up his history too, and like all badly written villains his motives and such make no sense. And there’s a girl who can shapeshift working with him… And he can spawn creatures from his blood (well…he CAN “lay eggs” in the anime/manga(he does so to spawn the DBZ Picollo before dying), but not just spawn random creatures (who can apparently only be killed by getting thrown into lava)).

And, as you could read above, the story has nothing to do with the original material either. Dragon Ball fans will find nothing enjoyable here. It doesn’t have any of that “Dragon Ball” feel to it. And no Krillin is fail (but my theory is that Krillin refused to be in the movie because he knew it was gonna suck so bad, so I’m happy not to see him here…kinda). Oh, and the characters can use the force… using Ki… stupid, I know.

Not for other people either
And non-Dragon Ball fans have even less of a reason to watch the movie. The acting is awful, the story will make even less sense, the special effects are stupidly bad, and it’s, overall, not a good movie. The filmmakers here definitely didn’t give any effort at all to make a good movie. Neither did the actors. Neither did anyone involved in the process.

The film sucked
But at least the agony was relatively short. But that doesn’t excuse ANYTHING about this movie. The acting was laughable(wait, was there actually any acting at all?), the action scenes, other than the first one (which is pretty lame anyways) are boring, it doesn’t respect the source AT ALL and it’s just plain painful to watch. The makers obviously didn’t care either about making a good movie, or making something that was similar to the source material. I actually can’t understand why they felt like making this movie in the first place. For the fun of destroying peoples’ childhoods? I dunno >_>
But, considering all the awfulness of this movie, it still managed to be better than Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li… Not by much, but still a bit…

jobocan Movie, Review