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Games I won’t review – Drive Girls

September 11th, 2017 Leave a comment Go to comments

drive girls
I like buying random stupid games, and japan is usually where those come from. When I saw Drive Girls I figured it was right in my wheelhouse. A car game where the cars are actually anime girls that transform and it’s actually a beat ‘em up rather than the racing game it looked at in the first few screenshots I saw? Alright, I’ll check it out.

And now that I’ve played it… I kinda don’t wanna review it. So in this edition of Games I won’t review, some animu game!

Let’s go!

Why I’m not reviewing it

I’m SO BORED. I played 11 or 12 episodes, it looks like there’s 24 total so I played around half the game… and I’m DONE. I am not only not playing this game again, but I cannot recommend it at all. This game is bafflingly boring. There’s no way I can convince myself to play anymore of it. And yet I feel like there’s something I’m missing to be able to do a decent review. So it’s better if I don’t

Impressions

So why is it so boring? To put it simply, literally every mission is the same. I mean several things by this. First, the goal of every mission is the same, which is “kill X type of enemy to advance until you kill enough”. Essentially all missions consist of having enemies spawn, there’s one or more “boss” enemies, when you kill the bosses then the others die, and either the mission ends or more enemies spawn further down the road. The other way these missions are all the same is that they all take place in literally the same level. In the story they’ll say you’re in the plains or desert and stuff, but in gameplay ALL levels take place on this futuristic elevated highway. All levels look the same, and have the same design. You’ll be lucky if a level has abandoned trucks or fallen rubble on them to have the slightest difference.

There are racing missions a few times but they’re insanely easy (unless you drive badly on purpose the other character will never even come close to you), the driving mechanics are subpar, the race tracks are too long and not terribly well-designed… Meh.

So the actual gameplay… You have weaker attacks on the square button, stronger attacks on the triangle button, and dodging with circle (either forward or backward depending on whether or not you’re pressing L). Weak attacks increase EP, and another meter. Strong attacks use the EP meter but you can kinda keep using them if you have no EP left as long as you’re mashing. That other meter increases your attack power by a small multiplier. If you hold Circle you also increase that other meter at the cost of EP, increase it enough and you get into Overdrive for a minute. Overdrive doubles your attack, and if you’re in overdrive and have full EP you can do a super special attack that hits wherever it wants instead of where you’re looking. Overall it’s… forgettable gameplay. Every battle feel largely the same and mashing triangle actually works really well because after a few hits enemies start going in the air a bit and your attacks are fast enough to leave them there. There’s not much comboing going on overall. You can also transform into a car but that doesn’t work super well for fighting. I only used it to get from one place to another, but this isn’t super useful because there’s mines all over the road that are usually set in such a way that you can’t even avoid them without transforming back into girl form (unless you have EPs, which let you boost through things).

I don’t know how any of the characters other than Lancier work, but I assume there’s not a lot of difference between them. One’s probably slower and stronger, I dunno about the other 3. There’s a sort of leveling system, you buy character-specific gears, and use those to customize stats (Physical, Strong and Accel.). Eh. Also there’s an equipment system where you put stickers on the cars to make them better. It’s hard to care.

Weird thing. This has the Senran Kagura “if you get hit enough your clothes gets ripped up” thing, but it almost never happens (I got it twice I think), so when it does happen it just feels weird that it’s happening at all.

Overall

Drive Girls goes straight into the “barely acceptable” category. It’s kinda fun at first but it goes down when you realize that every mission is exactly the same. It gets really boring. The lack of visual variety doesn’t help either, since every mission not only plays the same but also looks the same. You’d think the few racing levels would help break the monotony, but they’re really shitty and way too easy.

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